A good friend of mine, who is a school psychologist, recently diagnosed me with something called Oppositional Defiant Disorder. This condition is, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, is “an ongoing pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior toward authority figures which goes beyond the bounds of normal childhood behavior.” Yep, that sounds about right.
I get a huge kick out of this for two reasons:
1. With all due respect to my good friend, I’m a little skeptical about all such disorders. I have a sneaking suspicion that this and many other such “disorders” are what used to be called “traits.” In the old days, the technical term for what I suffer from would have been “being an obstreperous, contrarian prick son of a bitch.” No cure. But I probably think this because not believing in disorders is, most likely, a symptom of my disorder.
At any rate, if there is such a syndrome, it’s genetic, because my pater, JP Senior, also suffers from it. “It’s part of the condition of being a P, JP Junior,” he says, in his expansive Indiana
This is a figure of speech. It would take an awful lot for either of us to self-identify as Republicans. Nonetheless, it is true that we Ps do take a perverse glee in being contrarian. For some reason—probably because we’re ODD—we just like to disagree with people.
Because I am virulently anti-capitalist, I tend to associate with fellow Lefties, but I often find myself simultaneously bored and uneasy in the presence of those who agree with me. So it is always brings me great glee to express my rejection of one of the shibboleths of the American Left. Yessir, I'm pro-life. Or anti-abortion. Or opposed to a woman’s right to choose. Or whatever you want to call it.
Doubtless because I have ODD, I love watching the horrified expressions creep across their faces when I say this.
“Are... are you... religious or something?” they frequently stammer. “Hell no!” I like to say. “Let's take a chainsaw to the Bible. Nope, I’m right there with ol' Denis Diderot, him what said, “Mankind will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest!’”
The thing is, though, I’m not just saying it to be contrarian. I genuinely am opposed to abortion. More than that, I believe the pro-life position is more consistent with the political Left than it is with the political Right.
It’s the political Right that likes to pride itself on its pragmatism, its Social Darwinism, and its “get the gub’mint out of my life! Regulations are evil! The stop sign is an encroachment on my civil liberties!” brand of Libertarianism. It’s the Right that fights welfare, universal healthcare, immigration reform, and all other legislative initiatives that have their origin in the idea that it might be a good idea to help people.
It’s the Left which is more closely identified with compassion (there’s a reason liberals are called, dismissively, “bleeding hearts” by those on the Right), civil rights and equality under the law for everyone.
You’d think that, based on these two sets of descriptors, that it’d be those on the Left arguing against abortion, and the Right arguing for it. But it’s just the opposite. The right to an abortion is inextricably tied up with women’s liberation, which is a traditionally Left position. And there’s a mean-spirited, punitive streak in the religious Right’s pro-life rhetoric: “Well, if those broads are going to fuck out of wedlock, then they should damn well have to suffer the consequences of raising a kid!”
But at the end of the day, here’s what it comes down to: a fetus is an innocent human being, and killing innocent human beings is wrong. Period. End of story. Premeditated murder is wrong, war is wrong, and abortion is wrong. It’s just that simple.
Now, I should point out that I’m not completely in bed with the Pope on this one. I was never an altar boy for one thing (HIIIIYYYOOOHHH! Badum bum CHING). And arguing for abstinence is absolutely ridiculous. People like screwing, and you’re not going to change that. Condoms ought to be standard issue in high school, and their proper use ought to be taught in health class—Christ knows parents aren’t doing it. Same goes for the Morning After Pill. “Welcome to high school. Here’s your locker combination, and here’s a bottle of Morning After Pills. Might want to take one right now!”
Moreover, as the best and wisest friend I have once pointed out, caffeine, as well as about a zillion other chemicals, can induce abortions. What would you do to the woman who doesn’t even know she’s pregnant, drinks too much coffee, and unknowingly aborts her fetus? Of course you wouldn’t imprison her for manslaughter or reckless endangerment—that’d be barbaric. So, in the interest of consistency and common sense, regretfully, I find myself unable to argue against first trimester abortions.
But beyond that, I’m as pro-life as it gets.
I don’t argue for the pro-life position because of my religious convictions. I don’t have any. And it should be patently obvious, even to an imbecile, that the Bible’s authors did not consider the fetus to be a person with any legal standing. Don’t believe me? Fine. Ask the Bible.
"And if men struggle and strike a woman with child so that she has a miscarriage, yet there is no further injury, he shall be fined as the woman's husband may demand of him, and he shall pay as the judges decide. But if there is any further injury, then you shall appoint as a penalty life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise."
Exodus 21:22-25
See? If you cause a miscarriage, thereby killing a fetus, you pay a fine. Just like you would if you harmed someone else’s goat, sheep, or cow. But if you kill an out-of-the-womb human, you forfeit your own life. Quite obviously, the Bible is a pro-choice document. It’s also a pro-slavery, pro-genocide, anti-gay, and pro-rape document. Why the hell anyone takes it seriously in this day and age is an utter mystery to me. I wish the religious would chuck it and find a book with a better set of tenets to live one’s life by. I recommend “Tuesdays with Morrie.” But I digress.
But in any case, do we really need an old book--or religion of any kind, really--to tell us that killing a kid is wrong?
But in any case, do we really need an old book--or religion of any kind, really--to tell us that killing a kid is wrong?
The thing is, no one, unless they’re truly demented, actually likes abortion. I don’t think there’s a sane person out there who thinks abortion is a good thing. I think everyone would consider it a tragedy. Where decent people can disagree is whether it’s
a) justified,
b) necessary, and
c) ethically supportable.
I would argue that it’s none of the above. But I’d argue further that the issue of abortion itself is a red herring.
The real issue, to my way of thinking, is what drives women to have them. Generally, it’s economics, stigma, and convenience. So let’s start thinking about attacking the root causes.
What about a federal subsidy of $10,000 to be spent in education credits to every woman who carries her child to term, but who then gives that child up for adoption? That’d save lives, educate women, and pump more money into the economy, and if we can drop $30 billion a month in two wars we don’t need to be fighting, we can sure as hell spend it on saving lives. What about permanent tax abatement for couples who adopt children? We pay people to be foster parents, essentially subsidizing a completely fucked system. Why not help out couples who want to raise a child?
And, while we’re at it, isn’t it hypocritical as hell to deny women healthcare coverage, but expect them to carry a child to term?
It’s not an easy issue, but, as with so many other issues—in fact, every issue—once you get rid of the shriekers on either side of the issue and apply common sense and common decency—solving the problem, or at least improving it, becomes a hell of a lot easier.
To see what someone smarter than you--and me--and you and me combined--namely, Noam Chomsky of MIT--has to say about it, watch this video.
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